Plenty of follicles, but all way too small and not likely to grow to a healthy size.
So after 13 days of injections, emotions, bloating, cramps, wishing and hoping...
it's over... cancelled... failed... fucked!
I spent a good part of the day crying, being angry, feeling sorry for myself, hating everyone who has children, blaming myself for not trying hard enough, blaming the clinic for not getting the dose right,
wondering if this is punishment for something I did wrong in a past life!
I then fell into a deep sleep, and woke up 15 hours later feeling empty and sad, but determined to try again.
So now we wait, again...
Hi Jo,
ReplyDeleteIve jumped over to your blog from the bubhub May/June thread to see how you are going. I posted a message in response to your post the other day about your cycle likely being cancelled and then saw it now has. I am soooo sorry. And, I totally understand how you feel. My first cycle was cancelled due to poor response too (after 15 days of stimms). This was back in Dec 2011. I cried for a whole day, started to think that next we would be told I was a man or something :) (That day we were supposed to go to a good friends babies 1st birthday, um, lets just say that didnt happen, but I definitely had a big arse peice of cake though! Im good with comfort food :))
I have done two more IVF/ICSI cycles since. It wont help right now, but Ive learnt the hard way that with PCOS getting the dose right can take a while. About to cycle again soon - well whenever this bloody period shows (frigging PCOS!).
Anyway, I just wanted to check and see you are ok? And to say again that you and I seem to live almost parallel lives. Im 34 (my husband is older than yours though! He has Azoospermia). We have a cat. Im overweight (actually so is the cat!!), have PCOS, depressed (well who wouldnt be when infertility is involved!) and I have days like the one you have described above. I also made a comment at Christmas about my esky being the most expensive esky on the planet :)
I have been checking in on your blog for a while now, and I just admire you for it all!
Stay strong my dear and I hope it helps to know there are others out there in exactly the same boat :) That keeps me going...
Hugs
SelM22
PS pardon my poor grammar - I pushed go without checking :)
ReplyDeleteJennifer and SelM22,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
It means the world to me to know that people are actually interested in reading my blog and that they have similar stories to me. I wish you both all the best on your journeys xx