Egg pick up

On Wednesday morning we awoke before 7 am and although it would have been too early for breakfast, just knowing that I wasn’t allowed to eat made me hungry!

We arrived at the private hospital, checked in and waited in a small waiting room.
Within a few minutes a nurse took us into an office, checked my paper work, weighed me and then berated me for signing something before the doctor had filled out the form. She then had me change into a flattering hospital gown.

The only thing that made me smile that day was the sight of my husband in scrubs.
For a moment I imaged what it would be like being married to a surgeon.
But as he struggled to get the footsie covers over his big feet, that illusion was shattered.
I lay down under a warm blanket for a few minutes before being wheeled off to a pre-op room.

There I met my anesthesiologist, the doctor performing the egg pick up and the scientist assisting her. I was given an injection referred to as “champagne”... and I felt a light buzz. Then they wheeled me into the operating theatre and the last thing I remember was a male nurse introducing himself...

I woke dazed, confused and sore in the recovery ward.

I remembered that the doctor writes in pen on your hand the number of eggs they were able to retrieve...

My right hand read 14!

I drifted in and out of sleep for what must have been a few hours. I felt a leaking sensation between my legs and made the mistake of putting my hand down there, only to be upset by the sight of a lot of blood. I called over the nurse, he pulled back the cover and gasped!

That is the single worst sound one can hear in a hospital.

He replaced a soaked pad-thing 3 or 4 times, before he deemed me ok to move to the next section of the recovery process. A nice nurse gave me a sandwich (which has never tasted so good) and suggested when I was ready, that I get dressed.

When I sat up and draped my legs over the side of the bed I felt something leave my body...

I suggest you stop reading now if you are squeamish...

There in front of me on the bed was a clot of blood the size of a grapefruit and I started to freak.

I tried to stand and as I did I felt more blood running down my legs and onto the floor.

I cried out for help and the nice nurse assured me it was ok and cleaned me up.
She walked me to a bathroom and within a few seconds I felt my knees wobble as I threw up in the sink. My head was pounding, my heart was racing and my abdomen was throbbing. After being seated and given some anti-nausea medicine, I was eventually allowed to leave.

The next 3 days were a blur, I slept poorly, awoke every few hours in pain, found it difficult to roll over, let alone get up and my stomach was so distended, I thought my skin would tear.

On Thursday morning we were told that only 2 of the 14 eggs had fertilized.

My heart broke.

All sytems are go!

My belly is covered in bruises, my breathing is shallow and I feel like I might pop!
On Friday our 2nd Ultra Sound showed 11 follies between 12 & 16mm!
I’ve never strived to be average at anything before, but in the IVF world that is exactly what you hope for.
Last week was horrendous... I literally cried for 5 days straight. We thought it a good idea to get away for a night, so we headed up to the Vineyards for a little R 'n R. The spa in the hotel worked wonders on my aching back. Whilst lying in the water, belly all bloated and emotions running wild, for the first time ever, I allowed myself to imagine being pregnant.
Our 3rd scan yesterday showed 9 follies between 14 and 18mm, so that meant we were ready to progress to the next step!
Last night we injected the triggers and tomorrow morning at 9:30 we are booked into the hospital for our very first egg pick up.
The nurse has warned me that my blood tests show my hormone levels to be very high and therefore the likely hood of suffering from OHSS is also very high.
So I've arranged for my Mum to come up and stay for a few days, just in case I feel rotten.

Hello little follies

This morning marks day 9 of injections and our first Ultra Sound and blood test for IVF cycle #2.

After awkward chat about the passing of my dear kitty, the nurse lubes up the dildo camera, and I see something similar to the picture above.

Upping the initial dose to 250iu (international units) has appeared to be working, because today we have 16 follicles all between 9 and 11mm. (This result is already much better than where we ended up with our cancelled cycle, having only 2 follies at 12mm and about 20 at 6mm and under).

This explains why even my trackie dacks are tight and it's uncomfortable to bend down and tie my shoes.

So now the plan is to continue to carefully grow them (as they need to be bigger than 17mm to be worthy of pick up), without adding any more, because then I will enter the dreaded realms of OHSS territory. (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome ).

 We scan again in 2 days... fingers crossed.

RIP Elvira

Yesterday I lost my beautiful kitty.
She has been my friend, my companion and my baby girl for nearly 14 years.
She was given to me when she was smaller than the palm of my hand.

She was with me through our trial separation, my Uni degree, 4 homes, our Wedding, my husband’s cancer, our IVF journey and over a decade of sometimes crippling depression.

Her love was unconditional.

Working from home meant being with her nearly everyday.

The house is so empty now. My heart is broken. I knew she wasn’t young, but had wished for a smooth transition between losing her and having a baby one day.
But we don’t always get  what we want.

I just can't stop crying, this pain is unbearable... I'm sure the IVF hormones pumping through my body aren't helping.

She will  be forever in my heart xxx

Ready...set...go!

So a few days after my last post about not getting my period... I got my period.

This meant a trip to the hospital for a blood test to check my hormone levels and to book in a series of Ultra Sounds and blood tests for next week.

I was inspired by a friend who is also going through IVF to take some control of this cycle and stand up for myself. Since the last cycle was cancelled because upping the dose 10 days into it was too little too late, I’ve requested an extra early scan and blood test. I could tell the nurse wasn’t that impressed with my request, but I don’t care... if I want more things poked in me and up me, that’s my prerogative!

We began shooting up the Puregon last night, and I found it to sting much worse than the Gonal F.

So that will be our routine for the rest of the week...

·         after dinner have a shower while hubby preps the needle-pen-thingy

·         sit in the arm chair with belly out

·         criticize hubby at least twice for his technique (which is really to procrastinate the actual injection)

·          remember the injection part doesn’t really hurt and feel silly for the fuss

·          remember the Puregon does sting after the fact and feel a bit sorry for myself

·         remember that all this may eventuate in a baby and feel much better!

All dressed up with nowhere to go.

A week ago, I went back to the clinic to pick up my new esky of hope.

It was much bigger than the first one... The FS changes my drug and dose from Gonal F 150iu to Puregon 250iu. The epi-pen thingy requires loading each time, so there are a dozen of them included.

I paid my $1755.75 balance and put the esky in the fridge (remembering to take out the instructional DVD this time).

 Then I waited...

 and waited...

 and a week later I am still waiting for Aunty Flo.

I don’t know if it’s because of the first round of IVF that my cycle is all out of wack, or the flu I had a little while ago, or the stress, or the extra weight I've gained, or the cosmic alignments...

But nothing!

I took an extra month break to give myself a holiday and to get my head and heart ready, and now that I am focused and ready to go again...

NOTHING!!!

Everywhere I look!

Babies, babies everywhere!

My twenty-something sister-in-law just gave birth to her 2nd child; three of my friends have just announced they are pregnant; I went to a "Mummy's Morning Tea" on Monday; I’ve just been invited to two more baby showers; my hairdresser is away on maternity leave; I’ve got a new born photo shoot to do this weekend; my acupuncturist is pregnant: even my little sister's friends are popping them out... not to mention that the local shopping centre feels like one giant crèche!

Look, I know that women have been having babies since... the start of women having babies!... but just at the moment it’s all a bit overwhelming.  Especially when I am trying to get on with my life between IVF cycles, and am trying desperately not to be all consumed by baby thoughts.

But as I stand in the door way of the empty spare bedroom, I can’t help but imagine how nicely a white, wooden cot would fit against the far wall.