Back to hospital

On Saturday afternoon, only a few hours after transfer, I was more bloated than ever. I tried to rest, but was just too uncomfortable.  Everything was hurting, I was super emotional and getting scared.

My husband had forced jugs of water and bottles of Gatorade down my throat for the past few days, but I knew I was still becoming dehydrated.

That night, lying in bed, I was struggling to breath. My stomach was so distended that it was affecting my lung capacity. I calmly woke my husband at about 2am and told him something was very wrong.

We rang the afterhour’s emergency number the clinic gave us... but there was no answer!  So he decided to take me to the emergency ward.

I was starting to panic at that stage and barely made it across the car park; I threw up 3 or 4 times on the way.

On being admitted, I went to the bathroom and there I continued to vomit... I called out for my husband who caught me in the nick of time as I collapsed to the floor.

For the next 12 hours I lay in emergency, hooked up to oxygen and an IV drip. It took 3 different nurses 2 attempts each to insert the cannula, as my veins had collapsed due to the dehydration (you should see my bruises). From there I was finally moved to the  OB/GYN ward and for the next 24 hours they monitored me...

Measuring my girth, weighing me (I had put on nearly 4 kgs since the pick up), blood pressure, blood tests and urine output. I felt just horrible.

My husband decided to have me transferred to the private hospital, so I could be treated by the Doctor that did the pick up and hopefully to expedite the whole process (we were still waiting on an Ultra sound 2 days later!)

The 3rd night I slept better, as I had peace and quiet and my own bathroom.

On Tuesday morning I had the Ultra sound back at the IVF clinic and it showed no signs of OHSS! So they sent me home... where I have been ever since.

I tried acupuncture and Bowen therapy in an attempt to drain whatever fluids/gases were filling up my stomach and slowly but surely it has been getting better.

I’m still sore, but I have weaned off the endone they gave me at the hospital, down to the panadeine forte, to regular panadol. (TMI, but all the pain killers were making me very constipated which was only adding to my woes).

I have booked in for a blood test next Wednesday to see if I'm pregnant, but to be honest I'm not holding my breath.

This last week has been hell, if we get pregnant then it was obviously all worth it, but if we don't, the thought about having to do it all over again is a very daunting one.

Transfer

On Saturday morning, we headed into the clinic for the transfer.

I was convinced they would cancel because I was sure I had OHSS. I had all the symptons; nausia, extreme bloating, weight gain, little to no urine, excessive thirst, really dry skin and lower abdominal pains.

However, after an uncomfortable Ultra Sound, the Doctor seemed positive it wasn’t Hyper Stimulation, just fluid and gas build up and therefore she was happy to proceed with the transfer.

I couldn’t believe it was all happening so fast!

As a lay on a little bed, legs akimbo, there on a plasma TV screen was our 3 day old embryo.
I watched as a scientist used a pipette-thingy to suck it up and then the screen went to black.
Through a mysterious doorway in the wall above the bed came the pipette-thingy and within a few moments it was done... just like that!

As i lay there, I realised, for the briefest moment in time... I was pregnant.

I went home, sore, scared, bloated and tired.
I named our embryo "Sprite", and begged it to hold on.

All sytems are go!

My belly is covered in bruises, my breathing is shallow and I feel like I might pop!
On Friday our 2nd Ultra Sound showed 11 follies between 12 & 16mm!
I’ve never strived to be average at anything before, but in the IVF world that is exactly what you hope for.
Last week was horrendous... I literally cried for 5 days straight. We thought it a good idea to get away for a night, so we headed up to the Vineyards for a little R 'n R. The spa in the hotel worked wonders on my aching back. Whilst lying in the water, belly all bloated and emotions running wild, for the first time ever, I allowed myself to imagine being pregnant.
Our 3rd scan yesterday showed 9 follies between 14 and 18mm, so that meant we were ready to progress to the next step!
Last night we injected the triggers and tomorrow morning at 9:30 we are booked into the hospital for our very first egg pick up.
The nurse has warned me that my blood tests show my hormone levels to be very high and therefore the likely hood of suffering from OHSS is also very high.
So I've arranged for my Mum to come up and stay for a few days, just in case I feel rotten.

Hello little follies

This morning marks day 9 of injections and our first Ultra Sound and blood test for IVF cycle #2.

After awkward chat about the passing of my dear kitty, the nurse lubes up the dildo camera, and I see something similar to the picture above.

Upping the initial dose to 250iu (international units) has appeared to be working, because today we have 16 follicles all between 9 and 11mm. (This result is already much better than where we ended up with our cancelled cycle, having only 2 follies at 12mm and about 20 at 6mm and under).

This explains why even my trackie dacks are tight and it's uncomfortable to bend down and tie my shoes.

So now the plan is to continue to carefully grow them (as they need to be bigger than 17mm to be worthy of pick up), without adding any more, because then I will enter the dreaded realms of OHSS territory. (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome ).

 We scan again in 2 days... fingers crossed.

Ready...set...go!

So a few days after my last post about not getting my period... I got my period.

This meant a trip to the hospital for a blood test to check my hormone levels and to book in a series of Ultra Sounds and blood tests for next week.

I was inspired by a friend who is also going through IVF to take some control of this cycle and stand up for myself. Since the last cycle was cancelled because upping the dose 10 days into it was too little too late, I’ve requested an extra early scan and blood test. I could tell the nurse wasn’t that impressed with my request, but I don’t care... if I want more things poked in me and up me, that’s my prerogative!

We began shooting up the Puregon last night, and I found it to sting much worse than the Gonal F.

So that will be our routine for the rest of the week...

·         after dinner have a shower while hubby preps the needle-pen-thingy

·         sit in the arm chair with belly out

·         criticize hubby at least twice for his technique (which is really to procrastinate the actual injection)

·          remember the injection part doesn’t really hurt and feel silly for the fuss

·          remember the Puregon does sting after the fact and feel a bit sorry for myself

·         remember that all this may eventuate in a baby and feel much better!

Pull the trigger

So I thought I would get a break from all the needles during my exile into limbo land...

After a weekend of sadness followed by a few weekdays of sadness, I called the clinic.
It had dawned on me that I didn't really know what was meant to happen next.
The nurse may have explained it to me, but since I was a little girl, I've had a bad habit of not actually listening when people are telling me things, especially if it is important information or some sort of directions to follow!

So I spoke with the head nurse at the IVF clinic yesterday, and she suggested I come back in for an Ultra Sound to see if I have managed to ovulate as yet.
Due to the constant dull ache in my ovaries, I guessed I hadn't... and I was right.
In my left ovary currently sits one big fat egg (26mm) and heaps of smaller ones.

So today’s scan proved two things -
1) It was the right decision after all to cancel my first IVF cycle, as much as it broke my heart, it wouldn’t have resulted in more than 1 or 2 viable eggs.

2) I find it really, really awkward to have small talk about the weather and the weekend’s activities when there is a giant dildo poking around inside me!

So tonight I inject the Trigger shot and hope that it doesn’t cause OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome ).
It also means that I will ovulate this weekend, so it was not so subtly suggested that we "get busy" trying!

With my husband’s Oligospermia (low count and low quality) the odds are stacked against us, but none the less, I think a romantic night away in swanky hotel is just what the doctor ordered!

IVF Cycle cancelled

Yesterday was my 3rd and final Ultra Sound for this our first attempt at IVF.
Plenty of follicles, but all way too small and not likely to grow to a healthy size.
So after 13 days of injections, emotions, bloating, cramps, wishing and hoping...
 it's over... cancelled... failed... fucked!

I spent a good part of the day crying, being angry, feeling sorry for myself, hating everyone who has children, blaming myself for not trying hard enough, blaming the clinic for not getting the dose right,
wondering if this is punishment for something I did wrong in a past life!

I then fell into a deep sleep, and woke up 15 hours later feeling empty and sad, but determined to try again.

So now we wait, again...

Grow little eggs grow...

So I had my 2nd Ultra Sound yesterday and the results were a little better this time.

I have a handful of "lead" follicles, but they are still tiny (10mm). I need them to be twice the size without making twice as many.
So the nurse has upped my Gonal F from 150iu to 200iu in the hope that we can slowly but surely grow those little suckers.

So if you refer to the PCOS text book diagram above, you can image how swollen I am at this point with both ovaries being purposely stimulated to produce even more follicles... I can’t wait to try and tie my shoe laces next week when the follicles should all be twice the size!

Happy Mother's Day!

Sunday was Mother's Day and it was really a mixed bag of emotions. I’m so grateful I still have my Mum and was able to spoil her... But of course I had hoped this year would be my year.

I guess in a way I am closer to becoming a Mum than ever before, but actually holding that little baby in my arms seem so very far away.

I’m on cycle day 10 of my injections and after a few oopsys we have finally gotten them as painless as possible. Notes to self –

·         Don’t move during the injection

·         Don’t scream at husband while he is injecting

·         Don’t let cat jump up on lap while injecting

 Yesterday was my first Ultra Sound at the clinic...

They found about 22 follicles, but all of which are under 6mm (Damn you PCOS!)

It’s not a bad result, we just need to tread carefully now... going to keep on injecting and try to grow them without adding to them. Otherwise I could end up with OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome ), which can make you incredibly sick.

Also, just found out my Fertility Doctor is away for the month... fantastic timing!

All clear!

So we have been given the all clear for another year!
I just wish the Oncologist didn't have to be such a dick about it...
We are obviously stressed, worried and only there to find out if the cancer is back or not... I don't want to discuss business, the weather or life in general.

On another note, yesterday we had our PRE-IVF blood tests.
So those results, along with the ULTRASOUND I had 2 weeks ago will determine the drugs and hormones I shall be injecting myself with.

Speaking of the ultrasound... I really wish I had read the information letter better!
I remembered to drink lots of water, but I was not expecting the nurse to be lubbing up a giant dildo camera!