May 24, 2012

Pull the trigger


So I thought I would get a break from all the needles during my exile into limbo land...

After a weekend of sadness followed by a few weekdays of sadness, I called the clinic.
It had dawned on me that I didn't really know what was meant to happen next.
The nurse may have explained it to me, but since I was a little girl, I've had a bad habit of not actually listening when people are telling me things, especially if it is important information or some sort of directions to follow!

So I spoke with the head nurse at the IVF clinic yesterday, and she suggested I come back in for an Ultra Sound to see if I have managed to ovulate as yet.
Due to the constant dull ache in my ovaries, I guessed I hadn't... and I was right.
In my left ovary currently sits one big fat egg (26mm) and heaps of smaller ones.

So today’s scan proved two things -
1) It was the right decision after all to cancel my first IVF cycle, as much as it broke my heart, it wouldn’t have resulted in more than 1 or 2 viable eggs.

2) I find it really, really awkward to have small talk about the weather and the weekend’s activities when there is a giant dildo poking around inside me!

So tonight I inject the Trigger shot and hope that it doesn’t cause OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome ).
It also means that I will ovulate this weekend, so it was not so subtly suggested that we "get busy" trying!

With my husband’s Oligospermia (low count and low quality) the odds are stacked against us, but none the less, I think a romantic night away in swanky hotel is just what the doctor ordered!

May 19, 2012

IVF Cycle cancelled

Yesterday was my 3rd and final Ultra Sound for this our first attempt at IVF.
Plenty of follicles, but all way too small and not likely to grow to a healthy size.
So after 13 days of injections, emotions, bloating, cramps, wishing and hoping...
 it's over... cancelled... failed... fucked!

I spent a good part of the day crying, being angry, feeling sorry for myself, hating everyone who has children, blaming myself for not trying hard enough, blaming the clinic for not getting the dose right,
wondering if this is punishment for something I did wrong in a past life!

I then fell into a deep sleep, and woke up 15 hours later feeling empty and sad, but determined to try again.

So now we wait, again...

May 17, 2012

Grow little eggs grow...




So I had my 2nd Ultra Sound yesterday and the results were a little better this time.
I have a handful of "lead" follicles, but they are still tiny (10mm). I need them to be twice the size without making twice as many.
So the nurse has upped my Gonal F from 150iu to 200iu in the hope that we can slowly but surely grow those little suckers.

So if you refer to the PCOS text book diagram above, you can image how swollen I am at this point with both ovaries being purposely stimulated to produce even more follicles... I can’t wait to try and tie my shoe laces next week when the follicles should all be twice the size!

May 15, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!



Sunday was Mother's Day and it was really a mixed bag of emotions. I’m so grateful I still have my Mum and was able to spoil her... But of course I had hoped this year would be my year.
I guess in a way I am closer to becoming a Mum than ever before, but actually holding that little baby in my arms seem so very far away.

I’m on cycle day 10 of my injections and after a few oopsys we have finally gotten them as painless as possible. Notes to self –

·         Don’t move during the injection

·         Don’t scream at husband while he is injecting

·         Don’t let cat jump up on lap while injecting

 Yesterday was my first Ultra Sound at the clinic...
They found about 22 follicles, but all of which are under 6mm (Damn you PCOS!)

It’s not a bad result, we just need to tread carefully now... going to keep on injecting and try to grow them without adding to them. Otherwise I could end up with OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome ), which can make you incredibly sick.
Also, just found out my Fertility Doctor is away for the month... fantastic timing!

May 7, 2012

Shoot for the moon!



When all is well with my internal universe, my cycle times in perfectly with the rise of the full moon. Tis very mother nature/fertile magical goddess of me!

Well last night was 2012's only Super Moon... and happened to mark the beginning of our very first IVF cycle. At 10pm we calmly sat down and watched the instructional DVD on Gonal F, prepped the epee-pen thingy, I took a deep breath... and then freaked out!!!
Looking in my husband’s eyes as he held aloft a big pointy needle aimed right at me didn’t go down too well and it took about seven failed attempts, before I stopped screaming and actually let him inject me.

After my award winning performance, I must admit, it wasn’t actually very painful or traumatic at all.

May 3, 2012

Worlds most expensive esky!


Sitting in my fridge at the moment, between some half eaten garlic bread and a jar of ogorki pickles, is this strange green cooler bag.
Inside I will find 2 Gonal F Pens for ovulation induction (150ui), 2 boxes of Cetrotide Injections to  control my body's hormonal responses (250ui), 2 Ovidrel PreFilled Syringes to trigger the release of mature eggs and a sharps disposal unit.
Also 2 instructional DVDs thay I forgot to take out that are now ice cold!

Total Cost - $7707.35
After medicare rebate out of pocket expense will be $2561.50

As they say in all the baby forums, I am currently awaiting the arrival of Aunty Flow, so I can begin our very first round of IVF!